TikToker @mrsikkant accidentally found the king of all NPCs as he made his rounds conducting interviews for his page. He whips up a conversation with a man sitting cross-legged on a public bench in a crowded street, no doubt deep in meditative thought.

“Are guys more attractive that wear bumbags?” Our interviewer hits him with a question for the ages. The man, who goes by the name Daniel, procures for us something between nonsense and the wisdom of the ancients. He answers questions with questions. He takes us back to our philosophical roots and urges us to challenge definitions and shirk preconceived notions so that we might all be deliberating on the same page. It could also be the drugs talking.

The neon-clad sage humbly removes himself from any solid grasp of reality. He’s unsure of what it means to be homosexual, and it’s not his place to define it for those who are. He talks of time machines. Of self-agency. Of thought. And at the same time, of nothing at all. He either has access to the infinite knowledge of the universe, or it’s his first day on Earth.